gifts

Hooray for summer.

What strange forms gifts come in these days.

Joey has been on the job search for almost 5 months now. We thought we had a couple in the bag at times, but when reaching in we found ourselves empty-handed. It has been so discouraging getting turned down again and again. And again. And then things start looking up…and then turned down again.

What the heck? What more can we do?

Maybe if Joey just re-words his resume to say this, or what if he wears this shirt to the interview so they don’t see his tattoos, or how about he tells them he is available to work weekends, or maybe if he just gets certified to do such and such he will be guaranteed a position…

Desperation.

But I don’t feel it in my heart. I don’t feel panicked, I don’t feel like I’m struggling for breath or clawing for a handhold. Yet when I reflect on our actions, on the small compromises we are willing to make, they don’t exactly translate into peace or assurance.

So we decided. We are not going to let this ruin our lives.

We have been given a gift; a gift that so many people ache to acquire. We have been given time. Time for Joey to learn as much as he can about video and develop his talent. Time to spend with students playing basketball and Frisbee golf. Time to start a discipleship group with a couple of up and coming teachers in the youth group. Time to help me around the house, write music, work out, and give our dogs baths. Time to sit and meditate on God’s plans, or receive inspiration to write messages. Our Father knows how to give good gifts to His children and every good and perfect gift comes from Him.

Since we were shown all this, a huge weight has been lifted. We know that this is God’s plan and so He will be the one paying our bills and bringing home the bacon. The sense of relief in my husband is more than apparent. Peace has returned. Peace in the midst of what is still an unsettling situation to the outsider. But that is what makes it so amazing! He truly uses the weak things to shame the strong. The despised things, the foolish things.

He uses them to shame me! I am the one who considers these things weak and foolish. It was such a struggle for me to think of staying in Orange County because I knew that we would be broke and uncomfortable in a smoggy, over-trafficked area. That’s why I wanted to move. I despised the idea of staying here. I thought it was foolish to spend so much money to live here when other places are so much cheaper and more beautiful. I was looking forward to having a home, a place where I felt secure and unburdened. A place with nature and beauty, family close by and friends for housemates. A haven. A sanctuary. These were the things I considered strengths and worthwhile goals. And so I assumed my ideas of value on God and without ever asking for the wisdom or guidance that He has to offer.

But I am so grateful that by His mercy he chose to use me anyway. Here. Now. In Orange County. In this apartment. With an unemployed Mexican boy. I could not be more pleasantly surprised with God’s choice of gift as this.