plan to love

I have stopped flossing.

Not permanently I hope, but it has definitely been deficient from my life long enough to warrant saying I have stopped.

I haven’t always been a flosser. Somewhat recently I made it a goal to floss everyday, and I was doing good at it too. And then one day it just stopped. I can’t exactly remember the reason why. I remember thinking to myself, “I’ll just pick it up again tomorrow. I can’t get gum disease in one day anyway. I’ve gone 26 years without flossing regularly, what’s one more day? Nothing. Tomorrow it is.” That was about a month ago.

How does that happen? To be doing so well in staying consistent with something, and then it just dies. Fizzles out. And all that remains is a smokey, smoldering wick.

I can’t seem to tame life. Just when I think I’ve got it wrangled, it jerks around again and kicks me in the stomach. The air gets knocked out of me like a punctured balloon. The result ends in unreturned phone calls, canceled appointments with friends, flabby unexercised muscles, a growing ring of scum around my bathtub, a dusty Bible, and un-flossed teeth.

Last week my baby caught bronchitis. And when I say baby, I mean my 24 year-old, tattooed, mustached, more-man-than-I-know-what-to-do-with, mexican baby. He contracted it from some unsuspecting or non-disclosing carrier that is as of yet unknown to us. I have no idea where he got it from, but it hit him in the face like a dueling glove full of horseshoes. He came down with a high fever Monday night that lasted all through Thursday with no other tell-tale symptoms of what could be wrong with him. Just this strange mystery fever with no explanation. After days of waiting, missed work, temperature taking and trying every homeopathic or home remedy in the book, we broke down and decided to take him to the doctor.

I don’t do doctors. Growing up, we were always herb and vitamin people. We never had insurance, we never went to doctors, and we were just fine treating ourselves naturally through sickness and health. The way the good Lord intended. With the exception of the occasional emergency room visit. So when I say we broke down and went to the doctor, I mean broke down. And they did what doctors always do. Prescribed a bunch of unnecessary medications we couldn’t afford, gave us that ‘disappointed’ look when we refused all but two, and told us to come back in a few days for a check-up. Joey and I exchanged “Ha, yeah right” expressions after this suggestion. But we did get our money’s worth when they told us what was ailing him. Bronchitis. Go figure. Not to mention the fact that over the weekend he severely sprained his ankle while playing basketball at a men’s retreat with our church and couldn’t walk on it for days. Bad week for Joey.

But that is just life. You think you got it under control and it squirms away from your fingers. With so much uncertainty, what is there to do? What can be done? What hope is there of sanity against such unforeseeable events?

Recently the Lord spoke to me very clearly in a song. A song I was not even listening to at the time. Or thinking about. It just popped in there. Was placed there.

There is a band I enjoy that has a song in which the singer pleads, “Make a plan to love me. Will you make a plan to love me sometime soon?” This line from that song was how God chose to communicate with me that morning while brushing my teeth. Brushing only, not flossing. I didn’t have time to floss. In the midst of life and routine and distracted thoughts about nothing in particular, He asked a very clear, pointed, searing question. Will you make a plan to love me?

Life is unpredictable. I trust that God is in control of all the things I don’t see or understand. But in the meantime I have a responsibility. To Him and my fellow man. A responsibility to make a plan. A plan to love. A sort of plan that will hold true and be carried out to the end no matter what. Through thick and thin, the surprises and the mundane. 

I don't know what tomorrow or today or this minute holds for me. But I do know that in the midst of chaos and torrent, someone has made plans to love me today. And I trust that nothing will stand in HIs way.